This is the end of a long week. I wanted to go see a show tonight, but by the time I ate dinner and also realized I was overdrawn in the bank due to my great planning of automatic bills getting paid, I decided not to go anywhere. I am sad I missed it though. This morning Belle and I went down to the softball fields again for a good long time. I saw an actual chipmunk on a branch while she was sniffing some grass, and she didn't even notice it was there. She has been listening to me a lot better lately though - she saw a rabbit today while she was off the leash and started to go after it, but when I yelled NO at her, she came back happily.
I ate huckleberries at Sehome hill after work. That's the main interesting part about walking at Sehome today. We did about an hour loop after work up there, and saw a couple of old guys with golden retrievers. Belle was very polite in dog terms. Other than those two guys, we didn't see anyone else. It's very very peaceful there. We took the Huntoon trail, which I don't think I've fully taken since I was in college. The kids are all moving out of the dorms right now, and I could hear their voices carrying across the parking lot up the trail on the side of the hill as we wound our way up.
Sometimes I'm not sure what I'm going to fill up my life with, but then I realize that I've been filling it this whole time. I moved in and out of those dorms, too. I keep joking that I am middle aged, but it's actually not really a joke. I'm not upset about it, I just feel like it's so weird. Things seem more surreal the more time that goes by. I guess that's why I like to do things like play guitar and go on long walks alone. It helps me keep a handle on my life. I feel so out of control most of the time and I have recently admitted to myself that I am a control freak. I want to feel more in the now, I want to feel more present, I want to be less worried. I don't remember the part of my life when I was little enough to feel that way all the time, but I am hoping by the time I am older than these small goddamn hills, I will get back there again.