It’s been so long since I posted a blog on this website that I really don’t know how to start back up again. I have typed and deleted three different long, meandering paragraphs about various subjects, trying to find my way back in, getting there somehow. The short story is, winter was long. I didn’t participate very much in any songwriting projects. I did a lot of nervous brooding in my place. I looked at my dog, and thought she looked very depressed. I realized even as I was doing it that I was projecting, but I still felt guilty about having a depressed dog. I went to work, it was dark. I got home, it was dark. It was difficult to go shopping, it was difficult to answer the phone, it was difficult to stop for gas even though I only had to talk to a robot to complete the transaction. I can’t settle on any explanation other than it was just too dark for me and Belle (and also I’m terrified). She hates the rain, and when the rain would stop, the grass would freeze, and she hates frozen grass. BUT at the end of this short story, the spring returns, and the days get longer. I get to write a song this week for my songwriting group, week 2 of 12, and I am planning on finishing all twelve. This song ended up with a lot to say. I am trying to understand all the lyrics and what they mean to me, even though I wrote them. This is the best thing I could ask for in writing a song. The prompt was “Going faster than I should” and I woke up in the morning with the melody in my head. I also name-dropped my band for the first time in any song, by accident. It tickled me. I hope you like it.
Words and music by Anna Arvan, 2020
I think the Super Bowl is over
where did everybody go?
I've been waiting in the forest for you
to find out what you know.
I'm alike unto a lichen
I am bracing in the branch
I'm in need among the needles, need you
I love you avalanche
Did I outrun you GOING FASTER THAN I SHOULD?
Sorry I outgunned you - I didn't know I could.
I think the supermarket's closing
nothing super on the shelf
There is nothing I can feed me
that I can't get myself.
I was running hard to find you
Maybe I should double back
are you the devil that I know, no you
the angel that I lack
Did I outrun you going faster than I should?
Sorry I outgunned you - I didn't know I could.
We used to speed read all our secrets
into the canyon of the crowd
We had a way to get away with it
whispering out loud
Is the superego dying
or returning to the sound
of the root as it is breaking, aching
from the seed into the ground?
I've been hiding out in plain sight
I've been blinking in some rare light
And I listen past the landfills and oil spills
to try to get it right
Did I outrun you going faster than I should?
Sorry I outgunned you - I didn't know I could.
Maybe we lost each other looking for the place
Where we first remember meeting face to face.