Tuesday June 12 - Civic Field

Today I didn't take Belle to the forest because I had dinner with Rachel and Carl and Dennie. This morning we went down to Civic Field by the house though, and there are some little trails that seem to eventually wind their way to Whatcom Falls Park, but I haven't been able to figure out how to get there yet. Every time I walk somewhere like this with my dog, who is a giant pit bull, I notice how if she wasn't with me, I wouldn't feel safe. These trails are in the city, and there are lots of abandoned campsites and little artifiacts all over. Someone has been tagging the cedars with a big G that looks like a muscle arm with a crown on top. I have a self-defence jogging claw that my brother gave me. It looks like a ring with a serrated hard plastic stabber going over your knuckle. I have worn it about a dozen times, but I don't like it. I can't stop thinking about how I would need to really stab someone with it when I'm wearing it, and I don't like to. I know that all things considered, I am a very lucky woman. It doesn't mean that I still don't feel a rage at the unfairness of having to feel at risk of being raped just for going outside. There is no good way to find peace in yourself if you are afraid. It reminds you of the other times you have been hurt. It makes you want to stay inside and away from everyone forever. I am so glad I have Bluebelle, and I am so glad I have a voice to sing.