I went to a ball game with my friends today. We lost, but it was a beautiful day. We even got to sneak into the VIP seats at the end because the score was looking bad, and the ladies behind us said "Serves them right for leaving!"
This morning I took Belle out early since I knew I would be busy later. I have been having a hard time wanting to leave the house lately, but Belle smiles the whole way down the hill to the softball fields. When I got down to the first field where you can cut through to the trails in the tiny woods there, I let her off the leash. She bunny hopped into the tall grass by the ditch, and emerged with a baseball in her mouth. We ran along the trail past the fence, and the sprinklers were on watering the outfield. Belle ran ahead of me, and I saw a rainbow arching over her - I laughed out loud. I wish I could have taken a picture, but the best things there are can't be photographed, and that is what made it so beautiful. Sometimes I feel like we are all getting snared more and more tightly by the tyranny of instant gratification. This Independence Day, I made a pair of cutoffs from some jeans that my sweet friend Jess gave me. When she gave them to me, she said "These would make good cutoffs" and she was right. I freed the knees. I saw a ball game. I held my hand over my heart, while my friend Sarah sang the national anthem. I mourned a little. I wish I could say I hoped a little. I want to.
Tonight, I tried to set off an old firework I had from when I was living in Port Angeles. It was called a "Crazy Chicken" but when I was a kid, we always called them a Hen Laying an Egg. When you light it, it is supposed to squack and shoot fireballs. I stuck the chickens in my jean jacket, and I set off down Puget to the big parking lots. I wandered around a while. I love the way stadium lights look in the sky when no one else is around. I tried to walk down to the skate park, but there was a guy there who tried to motion me over, so I said "I'm good, I'm just trying to find a place to set my chicken."
I finally found a dark spot in the middle of the parking lot, and I unwrapped my explosive chicken. I lit the fuse and waited, but it squaked and burned. It didn't shoot any magic colors out. Instead, a man came out of an apartment building across the parking lot so I walked away, very very casually.
I have had a hard time wanting to leave the house lately. I have had a hard time doing any of the normal things I usually do. But I am trying to still be here. I love you.