This week has been kind of weird. I think that the holidays make everyone feel a little more wound up. Holidays get weird, they feel so arbitrary. It’s not really a party anymore. It’s an anniversary. I suppose all holidays are anniversarys in a way, but the older I get, the less and less I can take a day just on its own. Christmas 2018 won’t just be that. It’ll remember everything that happened on Christmas as far back as I can remember. That’s why stuff gets heavier.
The other day my friend Robert posted a request on facebook for “Grown Ass Love Songs.” The first one I thought of was “Aint No Way” sung by Aretha Franklin, which is a juggernaut of heartbreak and love, and I posted a link. Then later, I remembered this song, and I started learning it. I grew up hearing it on the radio, so it crept in really sneakily before I realized how brutal it is. I have other things to do to get ready for Christmas, and I feel selfish learning a sad song, but I can’t help it. It has been freezing, freezing cold every day lately, but I’ve been paranoid that it’s not really cold, and I’m just getting used to the warming climate. When I was a kid, the whole winter was frosty, right? Did we complain this much? Was it this cold? Is it colder now, or am I just lonely?