This morning I woke up early. I went to bed really early last night too. Things are going pretty well and I don’t want to push it, so I’m usually happy to cash my chips in at the end of the day and not give myself any chances to mess up. I’ve been thinking about holding onto all the different truths and demands in my life, all at the same time. Sometimes you have to cheat two ideas a little bit just so you can have them both - like the way a piano isn’t actually in tune, or it would be locked into one key. All the notes are cheated a little bit closer together so they can work in any key. They say that it’s “tempered.” That means a cheat. Just a little cheat. I wanna be well tempered, but evenness is so hard to maintain. It’s not uneventful. It’s like spinning plates, it’s like living in between. Those are the spaces I want to be in.
I wrote this song today for my online songwriting group. Week three down. Five more to go. The prompt was “At the intersection of _ and _” and I didn’t find anything to do with it until the half moon the other night while I was walking Belle. I feel like there must be a real place on the moon where I could stand and be totally in half, light and dark, but I know that if I was really there it would just be twilight, same as here on Earth. I wanna get to that place where I’m two opposite things equally at the same time. It seems so beautiful to me. As soon as you choose one thing to be, all the other options are blown away. When everything exists at once, there is possibility for anything.
I ran past the cemetery this morning, and the sun was slicing the fog down throught the trees. The headstones and markers crowded all around under the beams, and it felt like they were enjoying themselves. I’m glad I can feel the sun and I’m glad I can feel the darkness. It’s not too hot today, and it’s not too cold. I’m not too lonely, but I’m lonely enough.